To do nothing, except to accept

April, 4 - about 10 am; I am finally relaxing in vacations. Taking in deep breaths of pure air from the mountains covered with snow, somehow makes me feel even more thankful and joyful for the good life I have despite the less good things of the last years. "I am a lucky girl, so so lucky to be here, alive and enjoying" - might have been one of my thoughts when, sliding on the snow on a sunny morning, suddenly something scares me and makes me react. A strong and rapid twist to the right and the next microsecond I'm down. Damn!! What a bad (bad, bad!) falling... such an explosion of energy on the right knee... I automatically realize that something has gone wrong...

Fast forward; not as expected in initial prognosis, this is not an anterior cruciate ligament (ACL) rupture; this is a fracture of the tibial spine, an uncommon injury specially for adults, requiring an open reduction surgery with stainless steel wires to repair an avulsion fracture of the tibial spine eminence, the extension of the bone for attachment of muscles, involving the ACL insertion site.  

Yes, I have had pain in my life; but not this kind of pain. 

3 weeks in total immobilization with all-day deep pain, forced to be stopped, to stand still, to do nothing  - accepting there's nothing I can do, except to accept, to feel the pain. All of the pain. My mind elaborating deeper an deeper while reading and learning about recovery time. 

Pain and frustration. Feeling bewildered. It takes 5 weeks 'til I am able to use my yoga mat for some mindfulness to help me overcome these fellings.  I adhere to all instructions of my orthopedic doctor (Dr. Ricardo Antunes) and finally get release for total weight bearing after 8 weeks of surgery

4 months after the falling and week 10 after surgery;  back to one of my favorite running tracks where a simple 2km walk took me more than 30 minutes and amount and mix of feelings - from tears of pain to tears of contentment. 

Stay strong, life goes on. 

"Recovery is a game - pain resistance and endurance will support you."  - thank you Ricardo Paulino, for teaming with me.  

This kind of pain forced me to stop, to stand still, to accommodate pain without complaining. To wait, to be patient, to be resilient. To focus on springing back after bending. 

Surrounded by love and care, my anxieties have been listened and I have found a way of establishing a sense of self-worth and purpose without feeling depressed or angry. 

Yes, pain continues and is difficult still to think about  the long way ahead. 

Still, acceptance has become a way of being in my power - a way of being inside my strengths. 

#thestoryofabrokenknee#week14